Numb
by TheWeatherOutside
Summary: When things go wrong, there are certain ways that people like to deal with their newfound emotions that stem from these hardships. Some methods can be neither effective nor healthy, but that still doesn't stop people from locking themselves away and attempting to deal with them on their own anyways. (Day 29 of Whumptober 2019 - Numb)


_I don't even know what this is. There's not really much of a plot it's kind of just some ramblings. The intention behind this was supposed to be Gordon's reaction to a rescue gone wrong, but I tried to make it vague enough so you can apply this to any situation that you see fit. Enjoy!_

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There was something sweet about feeling nothing. When all of the feelings that should be there just weren't and you don't have to deal with them for a while.

There will come a point when all those feelings will come back like a flood and it will all be too much to handle at once, but the time before that- the sweet, sweet bliss of _nothingness_\- that could be pretty nice.

Unless you _wanted_ to feel, then that was different. But right now Gordon didn't want to feel. Right now he was enjoying the fact that he didn't have to go through all those emotions that came with thinking about what happened.

Maybe it wasn't the best course of action he should take. It wasn't healthy to bottle up emotions like that and he knew from experience that the cork always popped at the least convenient moment, when you had no choice but to let all your feelings out for the world to see.

But right now Gordon didn't care. He basked in the feeling of there being no feelings at all.

Right now, everything just felt _numb_.

And no matter what he did, he still felt numb.

He dragged his tired body up the stairs and to his room. He turned the shower on full blast and barely had enough energy to get undressed before he stepped in. The water was on the hottest setting, yet he didn't even feel it. It all just felt numb to him.

He eventually stepped out again when his skin was red and would be sore if it broke through the shield he'd built around himself. He threw clothes on over his heavy limbs and crawled into his bed, where he slept peacefully because he refused to think.

Gordon woke up early in the morning and took to the pool. He swam laps and laps, back and forth across the length of the pool. He swam so much that his muscles should ache and he should think about stopping but he kept going and going until he could find it in himself to care.

Once Gordon dragged his waterlogged body out of the pool he headed down to the beach. He laid in the sand with the early morning sun beaming down on him. It was still early but the sun was high and should have felt warm on his face. But all he felt was cold, and no matter how long he laid there nothing could reach him through the thick deadness that clouded over him.

At some point he found himself in the kitchen. Gordon stared at the food in the fridge but even though he hadn't eaten in at least a day he didn't feel hungry. If anything, the food in front of him made him feel sick, but he supposed that he should be happy that it at least made him feel anything at all.

His family were no help. Or rather they were, but he didn't want their help. Their help meant taking the cork out of the bottle filled with the finest of Gordon's emotions, aged to perfection. He knew that at some point he would trip and spill it all out, but for now he would gladly hold it on a tray above his head and out of anybody's reach. Where no one would get to it until he agreed to peel the numb outer layer off himself.

Gordon found himself back in his room after some time, and he curled under the sheets of his bed to try and block the rest of the world out.

At some point he heard someone enter his room. He didn't know who it was and he didn't care to find out. Not even when their concerned voice drifted past his blankets.

"Gordon, you need to eat."

"You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Let us help you."

They were words filled with meaning and worry but to Gordon they just sounded blank.

Eventually they left but others came in, all using the same string of words that didn't connect to Gordon's mind.

In the end Gordon was left on his own and that was what he wanted. Actually, it was what he thought he wanted, but now he had it in the palm of his hands he wanted to let it go and grasp onto what he had before all of this.

That was gone now, though. He had to live with what he had and he shouldn't even care, should he? Because he was numb and any feelings he had bled out of his heart long ago. Everything in him was gone, and all he could do now was hope that it would come back.


End file.
